01st Hash Rap

[cawcawmthrfckrs]

[Man oh man, it's one thing to be playing a MMO. It's another thing entirely to actually be part of one. Again.

On the other hand, Davesprite has his everything from the waist down back to something more human. That is definitely an improvement. And he gets bonus wings, so now it's like he's some sort of weird angel with orange feathers.]

I had to have died. That's the only fuckin' possibility. I somehow died while playin' that shitty Ghostbusters game and went to steampunk heaven.

[He sighs and shrugs. There's not much he can do about it if that's the case. The best thing he can do is get some information. That there are even people around after a year of only seeing two godly humans is…pitiful, to say the least. He's happy to have a break from salamanders and nakodiles and other sprites and shit.

Wow Davesprite's getting really sidetracked over here. He's just…gonna go walk up to a person.]

Sup. Where do I sign up as God's personal secretary? Obviously, it's my new role in existence if I've got fuckin' angel wings outta my back like a kid who got spliced with goddamn bird genes as a baby.

Comments

[splinterself]

[He's kind of busy here trying to figure out how to get gla- oh hey. It's Dave. (No one mentioned the '-sprite' part yet.)]

Hey. The hell happened to you?

[cawcawmthrfckrs]

[What the shit? It's like Bro went and shrank or found the Fountain of Adolescence or some shit. And somehow got back to life.

What the fuck? Maybe he's actually in Hell.]

Could ask you the same fuckin' thing.

[splinterself]

[What, can't a guy chill without people around in peace? Do they have to be joined at the hip? What's this 'could ask you the same fuckin' thing' thing coming from? God.] Dude. I've been busy, ok?

[cawcawmthrfckrs]

[Busy he says.]

Busy bein' dead? [Damn it, it's been a year since that happened, but.]

[splinterself]

Sorry, I don't know what Rose told you but she missed. Alright? Unless you're talking about my dreamself in which case; one, I don't know; two, how did you figure that out, bro? And why are you orange? I thought that was my color.

This is such a quality first meeting.

[cawcawmthrfckrs]

[All of these questions point to one thing: this is not the Bro he knows or is looking for.

That's a little awkward.]

One, haven't seen Lalonde in a year. Two, definitely not talkin' about a Dreamself. As far as the orange thing goes, I'm a fuckin' sprite. I didn't decide the goddamn color or else I'd still be chillin' with red text, and you could have your orange creamsicle text all to your lonesome.

[Pause. Okay. Let's backpeddle a little bit.]

So...I'm gonna take it that you're not Bro who mysteriously found the Fountain of Adolescent Youth. I'm also gonna assume that Lalonde and Dave are here, too. Feel free to correct my mistakes with bright orange marker.

It is.

[splinterself]

[...damn, and of course his bro takes having a doppelgänger running around to the next level. (That's why he's awesome.)]

Yeah, they're here. [. . .] How the hell did the sprite thing happen, bro? [And he indicates with a nod of his head that maybe they oughta move and talk.]

[cawcawmthrfckrs]

[Yeah, Davesprite walks with him aimlessly...unless Dirk has a place in mind or something. Holy shit he's actually WALKING and not FLOATING somewhere.

He hesitates for a fraction of a second, but ultimately decides that he looks and acts like Bro enough to trust him.]

Friend got duped into getting into a fight that he was never gonna win and got killed. That got another of our friends killed, so I went and did my Knight of Time bullshit to stop him from being really fuckin' stupid about it. Gave Alpha Dave most of my shit and then went and prototyped myself into the Feathery Asshole Sprite.

[splinterself]

[Nah, let's go aimless.

Anyway. Damn. That's hardcore.]

Well shit. [And then there's a tone. It's faint, but unmistakable. It's the sound of approval.] I guess that's the sort of thing you'd pull, though. [Here's a fist being offered. Bro it?]

[eightofseven]

[Who's that standing behind you?]

I do not think God would have need of a personal secretary.

[cawcawmthrfckrs]

[A guy who crushes dreams. Davesprite turns to face this young man.]

Who knows? Maybe He's gettin' on in years and needs a new hire.

[eightofseven]

If your conception of God is similar to the one most commonly held, I assure you that He would have perfect recall no matter His age.

[The Records more or less keep themselves.]

[cawcawmthrfckrs]

Can't say I cared too much to open the book.

[He shrugs.]

[eightofseven]

Many find it difficult to understand. Whether you were better off not doing so, I cannot say.

[cawcawmthrfckrs]

Kinda wanna hear it from the people who were actually there, anyway. Our account's probably not very reliable at this point since it's been translated so many fuckin' times.

[eightofseven]

That is also true. Although I cannot speak for your world, mine does not have a God like that one. I know of several worlds that do, although it seems that often Man's perception of him is twisted.

[cawcawmthrfckrs]

Can't say I'm surprised. We might've been gettin' it all wrong for centuries and never would've known.

[He shrugs.]

So...who're you?

[resipiscence]

[ ...... blinking. then-- ]

Well, I can't say I'm hiring at the moment. [ poker face ] I do like the wings, though-- if you'd just leave your resume, contact information and an approximation of your soccer skills on a scale of one to ten, I'm sure I'll get back to you eventually.

[cawcawmthrfckrs]

[Yes, he gets that a lot.

Davesprite appreciates him playing along and he is proud of that poker face. 10/10.]

How long's "eventually?"

[resipiscence]

[ he has practice, man. and he always enjoys a good back and forth... ]

God knows. [ ahaha. haha. ha. ] Consider it a test of faith?

[cawcawmthrfckrs]

Doesn't that usually mean that bad shit's gonna happen to make sure I'm righteous and whatever?

[He lived in a Bible-thumping state and yet he has never cracked one open. That is pure irony right there.]

[resipiscence]

I'm not sure if I can manage a flood, so... you might have to settle for unemployment. And maybe a giant x on that resume of yours.

[ because unemployment is... the worst punishment, yes. ]

[cawcawmthrfckrs]

Fan-fuckin'-tastic.

[Okay, officially liking this kid.]

You got a name or should I stick to callin' you God?

[resipiscence]

[ and he actually chuckles here, cracking a smile. you're not too bad yourself. ] While I wouldn't mind, I'd like to think that I'm a little past that by now.

I'd prefer 'Aphrodi'. What about you?

[cawcawmthrfckrs]

I'd prefer "Dave," but most call me Davesprite. Easier to keep track of which Dave you're talkin' about.