01st Hash Rap

[cawcawmthrfckrs]

[Man oh man, it's one thing to be playing a MMO. It's another thing entirely to actually be part of one. Again.

On the other hand, Davesprite has his everything from the waist down back to something more human. That is definitely an improvement. And he gets bonus wings, so now it's like he's some sort of weird angel with orange feathers.]

I had to have died. That's the only fuckin' possibility. I somehow died while playin' that shitty Ghostbusters game and went to steampunk heaven.

[He sighs and shrugs. There's not much he can do about it if that's the case. The best thing he can do is get some information. That there are even people around after a year of only seeing two godly humans is…pitiful, to say the least. He's happy to have a break from salamanders and nakodiles and other sprites and shit.

Wow Davesprite's getting really sidetracked over here. He's just…gonna go walk up to a person.]

Sup. Where do I sign up as God's personal secretary? Obviously, it's my new role in existence if I've got fuckin' angel wings outta my back like a kid who got spliced with goddamn bird genes as a baby.

Comments

[cawcawmthrfckrs]

[Yeah, Davesprite walks with him aimlessly...unless Dirk has a place in mind or something. Holy shit he's actually WALKING and not FLOATING somewhere.

He hesitates for a fraction of a second, but ultimately decides that he looks and acts like Bro enough to trust him.]

Friend got duped into getting into a fight that he was never gonna win and got killed. That got another of our friends killed, so I went and did my Knight of Time bullshit to stop him from being really fuckin' stupid about it. Gave Alpha Dave most of my shit and then went and prototyped myself into the Feathery Asshole Sprite.

[splinterself]

[Nah, let's go aimless.

Anyway. Damn. That's hardcore.]

Well shit. [And then there's a tone. It's faint, but unmistakable. It's the sound of approval.] I guess that's the sort of thing you'd pull, though. [Here's a fist being offered. Bro it?]

[cawcawmthrfckrs]

[Definitely gonna bro it.]

Learned from the best. [He tilts his head minutely.] So, got a name? Guess you can call me Davesprite to save headaches.

[splinterself]

Dirk. You sure about that?

[cawcawmthrfckrs]

[He shrugs.]

Dave or Davesprite work. I don't care. Just don't call me "that other Dave" and it'll be smooth sailin'.

[splinterself]

Cool.

So I've got to ask: what was your bro like? [...he wasn't sure about the present or past tense, but given his own situation decided that past was better.] Given that he's alternative universe me I've been kind of curious.

[cawcawmthrfckrs]

He was.... [Hm.] Pretty much like you. He taught me everythin' I needed to know, and I've never fuckin' bested him once in a rooftop strife. Thought he couldn't ever be defeated, actually. Then Jack Noir got upgraded with First Guardian shit and shot that thought down like it was a fuckin' duck.

[Hnnn, that might be hitting a little too close to territory he doesn't want to necessarily talk about.]

[splinterself]

Looks like our universes have a hell of a lot more in common than I might've thought: something like that happened to my bro too.

[Hey look, territory that he doesn't want to wax poetic about either.]

[cawcawmthrfckrs]

[Then it is agreed that the subject will be avoided until their Social Link reaches Rank 5 or above.]

Huh. Guess that makes sense given that we basically hit the huge fuckin' universal restart button. Gotta be some form of parallels in there. Speakin' of, what's up with your world? Obviously it's different than the one I just popped right out of.

[splinterself]

It's a post-apocalyptic bad end future. Batterwitch took over, the place got flooded, shit like that. Lalonde and I are the last two humans alive.

[cawcawmthrfckrs]

[wat It's like Shin Megami Tensei meets Fucked Up Web Comic.]

Okay, two things. One, Batterwitch as in Betty motherfuckin' goddamn Crocker? Shit, maybe Egbert was actually on to somethin'. Two, how the fuck are you two the only ones left?

[splinterself]

Yeah. Her corporation was a front to take over the Earth. And we're the last two 'cause Sburb dropped us off 400 years after the sea hag made her grab for power.

[cawcawmthrfckrs]

If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were tryin' to pull a bullshit conspiracy theory on me. But 400 goddamn years? The fuck is this game thinkin'.

[splinterself]

Hell if I know. I ended up in a high-rise apartment above the ocean. Lalonde got lucky and ended up with a neighborhood.

[cawcawmthrfckrs]

Damn. Guess on one hand you didn't have to deal with a murder of crows makin' your room their permanent perch.

[splinterself]

Gulls, bro. I had gulls instead.

[cawcawmthrfckrs]

So, basically you got landed with my inbred cousins who were twice removed. On the plus side, you didn't have to deal with 'em talkin' in your voice. 'Cause that was fuckin' creepy the first time it happened.

[That link is only there for OOC purposes.]

[splinterself]

Oh hell no, I'd love to have that happen. [It...it would've been a conversational partner of sorts which wasn't his Auto-Responder or a robot.

...what.]

[cawcawmthrfckrs]

Man, no, you don't understand. They'll legit talk with your voice. They're fuckin' that good at mimickin' shit.

[It's creepy, okay.]

[splinterself]

My place was pretty quiet before I started filling it with robots. Felt like the only thing I heard most of the time was the sound of my own voice. I figure it ain't nothing new.

[cawcawmthrfckrs]

Good point.

[Time for a subject change.]

So, what's up with this place?

[splinterself]

Apparently Sburb's not the only game around. Same basic deal: fight monsters, travel to different environments, level up, except there's a distinct lack of impending world destruction telling you to hurry your ass up.

[cawcawmthrfckrs]

Sounds like a good deal. Don't see any dead bodies strewn around, so I'm guessin' that as an added bonus there's no Jack Noir around.

[splinterself]

Oh god damn, he was in your session too. [It can be inferred that he meant something more profound than just 'existing' by that statement.]

[cawcawmthrfckrs]

Yep, think everyone gets one. Yours happen to have god-like omniscient bullshit powers?

[He sure as hell hopes not. One Bec Noir's bad enough. They don't need TWO.]