Karkat Vantas (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
cancerthatiskillingrp) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
holyrelic2012-06-18 10:07 pm
cancerthatiskillingrp) wrote in holyrelic2012-06-18 10:07 pm
Entry tags:
♋ one ♋
[ There is a trick to dealing with temporal displacement, or whatever the fuck you call it when you were in one place and suddenly wake up in another. That's generally not to panic while putting on your thinking cap and figuring out what the heck happened, or you know, calmly asking those around you for help. Unfortunately, Karkat doesn't really do calm or rational when shit goes wrong.
Probably because sleep isn't a luxury afforded to Karkat on the best of days, even before Jack's destruction of Prospit and Derse. He'd spent the entire SGRUB campaign awake, not once taking a break to get some much needed rest. He probably wouldn't have even slept afterwards, had Kanaya, Tavros, Equius and the others not had a lapse of sanity so grand (debatable, since he doubted any of them had two working brain cells to rub together most days) that clearly the solution to enabling Tavros to walk again was to chainsaw the lower half of his body off and grant him a pair of robolegs, all while he was standing innocently by. Unprepared for the flood of orange-brown blood coming his way.
Fucking idiots, the lot of them. It had been a wonder any of them had survived their time in the game, one of Gamzee's retarded miracles that would remain unexplained. It still hadn't been enough to save them. He hadn't done enough.
Needless to say, waking up with a group of unfamiliar, unconscious bodies in a room he'd never seen before was a blaring exhortation horn to his think pan that something had gone horribly, inexplicably wrong. Well, wronger than things were previously. He takes deep, gasping breaths in a useless attempt to keep his cool, deciding to abandon the not-quite-corpse party and head for the outdoors. Looks he's making an effort to harass the first person he sees that will give him the time of day.
Poor you. ]
HEY, YOU. YES, YOU, THE SLACK JAWED, DROOLING BUFFOON I'M CURRENTLY POINTING MY CLAWED, TACTILE APPENDAGE AT.
YOU.
YOU'RE GOING TO TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK WE'RE DOING HERE, WHY WE'RE IN THESE RIDICULOUS OUTFITS, AND WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO EVERY LAST ONE OF MY BARELY TOLERABLE FORCED TRAVELING COMPANIONS OR I'M GOING TO FLIP MY SHIT. I WILL FLIP MY SHIT SO WELL AND SO LONG THAT IT WILL BE CHARRED TO A GRILLED PERFECTION, AND JUST WHEN YOU THINK IT CAN'T POSSIBLY GET ANY BETTER, I WILL COVER IT WITH THE MAYO OF EXQUISITE BATSHITTERY AND FORCE IT DOWN YOUR GAPING FEED CHUTE-
[ Any time you wanna cut in would be good. ]
Probably because sleep isn't a luxury afforded to Karkat on the best of days, even before Jack's destruction of Prospit and Derse. He'd spent the entire SGRUB campaign awake, not once taking a break to get some much needed rest. He probably wouldn't have even slept afterwards, had Kanaya, Tavros, Equius and the others not had a lapse of sanity so grand (debatable, since he doubted any of them had two working brain cells to rub together most days) that clearly the solution to enabling Tavros to walk again was to chainsaw the lower half of his body off and grant him a pair of robolegs, all while he was standing innocently by. Unprepared for the flood of orange-brown blood coming his way.
Fucking idiots, the lot of them. It had been a wonder any of them had survived their time in the game, one of Gamzee's retarded miracles that would remain unexplained. It still hadn't been enough to save them. He hadn't done enough.
Needless to say, waking up with a group of unfamiliar, unconscious bodies in a room he'd never seen before was a blaring exhortation horn to his think pan that something had gone horribly, inexplicably wrong. Well, wronger than things were previously. He takes deep, gasping breaths in a useless attempt to keep his cool, deciding to abandon the not-quite-corpse party and head for the outdoors. Looks he's making an effort to harass the first person he sees that will give him the time of day.
Poor you. ]
HEY, YOU. YES, YOU, THE SLACK JAWED, DROOLING BUFFOON I'M CURRENTLY POINTING MY CLAWED, TACTILE APPENDAGE AT.
YOU.
YOU'RE GOING TO TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK WE'RE DOING HERE, WHY WE'RE IN THESE RIDICULOUS OUTFITS, AND WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO EVERY LAST ONE OF MY BARELY TOLERABLE FORCED TRAVELING COMPANIONS OR I'M GOING TO FLIP MY SHIT. I WILL FLIP MY SHIT SO WELL AND SO LONG THAT IT WILL BE CHARRED TO A GRILLED PERFECTION, AND JUST WHEN YOU THINK IT CAN'T POSSIBLY GET ANY BETTER, I WILL COVER IT WITH THE MAYO OF EXQUISITE BATSHITTERY AND FORCE IT DOWN YOUR GAPING FEED CHUTE-
[ Any time you wanna cut in would be good. ]
no subject
1/2
In any case, he takes a few deep, hyperventilating breaths trying to calm himself-nope. Not gonna happen.]
YOU'RE COMPLETELY RIGHT. I HAVE BEEN SCHOOLED IN YOUR HUMAN EARTH MANNERS AND CUSTOMS, I HAVE NOW SEEN AND LEARNED THE ERROR OF MY ALIEN, UNNATURAL WAYS AND I BEG FOR YOUR ABSOLUTION. PLEASE REFRAIN FROM USING YOUR EXPUNGING SUDS ON MY ORAL CAVITY AND ACCEPT MY HUMBLE, HEARTFELT APOLOGY-
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[Totally glaring at her because as far as he knows, she's the reason he's here.]
INSTEAD, WHY DON'T I REPHRASE THIS IN A WAY YOUR TINY, INSIGNIFICANT HUMAN THINKPAN CAN UNDERSTAND. WHAT IN THE SWEET MOTHER GRUB'S PALPABLE, MOIST ANAL SPHINCTER IS GOING ON HERE?
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This is The World and I just got here myself, so why don't you calm down a little while we go back to the beginning. I'm Jane. Jane Crocker. What's your name?
2/3
1/3
It ain't Dirk's thing, but hopefully Dave won't mind if he borrows that schtick for a moment and flashsteps one step back to the beginning of the chain. Are you ready? Here we go.
So he was heading down the street with the vague intent of finding somebody he knew (someone he was related to, Jane, Jake, whoever) when out of nowhere he heard a voice. A loud, shouting voice demanding answers. This wasn't anything new. Shit happened to him all the time around these parts.
And yet, as he turned his head to just say,]
Hey...
[He saw what appeared to be a troll.
Dirk knew what the fuck a troll looked like. He'd seen pictures of the Batterwitch so many god damn times, he could recognize a troll on sight. And he knew that trolls who weren't the sea hag existed. It's a fact.
Two suspects immediately came to mind. Among those, one was obviously out given the lack of chipper cheer. Which left the other one. Abrasive, grey, shouts a lot...god damn. It couldn't be.]
2/3
[undyingUmbrage, is that you?]
3/3
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Except Karkat's not really yelling anymore. In fact, all he's doing is staring pretty blatantly, thanks to that one utterance.
This dude is shithive maggots out of his mind.
Okay, back to yelling. ]
YES, THAT IS EXACTLY WHY I'M HERE.
THANK YOU FOR ANSWERING MY MANY QUESTIONS WITH THAT ONE FUCKING SENTENCE, OH MYSTERIOUS STRANGER. EVERYTHING IS SO CLEAR NOW, CLEARER THAN A POUNCEBEAST'S EXCRETAL FLUIDS ON A SOLAR ECLIPSE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DARK SEASON.
WHICH IS TO SAY I HAVE NO SHITTY SHERLOCK'S CLUE WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT, FUCK YOU VERY MUCH.
no subject
Or maybe it's a different troll, but fact: the Batterwitch was the only one left in his universe...then again, he ain't in his damn universe, so it's still a possibility.
Whatever.]
To the first: you're welcome.
[There's the slightest of smirks.
Another possibility: just as Dave's universe had a version of him, a guy who took off with his smuppet empire, and his universe had Dave, then maybe this was Dave's uu. Seemed the most likely. Something about this guy screamed 'angry grey guy who shouts a lot and secretly fetishizes cuddles.']
To the second: there's this troll I know. I don't know the guy's actual name, but he jeers me on Pesterchum all the time. Has strong opinions about long winded people, talks my ear off, types in grey, shouts a lot, and has this weird kink for cuddles. I figured you were him. But I guess I got the wrong troll.
[Uh huh.]
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You need to calm down first. That's a shitty way of asking for help.
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And by best and rational I mean worst, but like he's gonna admit to that. Or be even a little bit reasonable when he's trying not to have a panic attack. ]
YES, I'M SURE "CALMING DOWN" WHILE I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF TIMBUKFUCKINGTU, WHO GIVES A RAT'S INFLAMED ASSHOLE WHERE WE ARE, IS THE END ALL SOLUTION TO ALL MY PROBLEMS! GREAT ADVICE FROM THE HUMAN PUPA WHO WAS PROBABLY HATCHED YESTERDAY!!!!
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You're in a place called the World, which is an MMO. You can't leave. Have fun.
[And he manages to say all this as monotone as possible.]
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-UNTIL YOU EITHER CHOKE OR ARE FORCED TO SWALLOW AND MARVEL AT IT'S FUCKING EXQUISITE FLAWLESSNESS. IF YOU SURVIVE, YOU WILL GO ON TO TELL YOUR HUMAN EARTH SPAWN OF THAT VERY MOMENT, WHO WILL NO DOUBT BE AS SPEECHLESS AND DUMBSTRUCK AS YOU, AND THEY WILL PASS IT DOWN TO THEIR IMBECILIC WRIGGLERS AS WELL, AND SO ON AND SO FORTH UNTIL THIS VERY FUCKING INSTANT IN TIME BECOMES A LEGENDARY EPIC ON HOW YOU WERE A WITNESS TO "THE DAY A MASSIVE SHIT WAS FLIPPED ALL BECAUSE A MORON WATCHED ON HELPLESSLY DUE TO BEING UNABLE TO RUB TWO FUCKING BRAIN CELLS TOGETHER TO CREATE ENOUGH ENERGY TO SAY THREE MINUSCULE WORDS."
[ He takes deep breaths after that, trying to calm himself down now that it's (mostly) out of his system. ]
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[What do you even SAY to all of that?]
Well, you're in The World, a sort of game more closely to that of an online role-playing game. Nobody's quite sure how we got here or how we can leave.
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Are you done?
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[His poor Alpha self.]
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I'm blind, not deaf. I can't even hear half of whatever you're saying just 'cause you're that loud.
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and the tag parade continues xD
[He can't even count the amount of times he's wanted to ragequit on this shitty goddamn no-good World. It sucks. It's predictable, but it sucks. Though asking around earned him nothing but ridicule -- "How do I get out of here?" "By signing out, dumbass" -- so he's just going to cork it for now.]
[So we have a little Sollux walking along, 'frilly spellbook' under his arm, minding his own business as usual. He's got his hood pulled up, and Karkat may be hard-pressed to see those tiny horns in the twilight.]
[He grins when he hears the unmistakable voice, sniggers a bit even, but doesn't turn around. Might as well have Karkat have his fun, ranting to whoever is convenient because something didn't go his way. So he remains unresponsive, aware that this would only make Karkat even madder; and at a natural pause in the furious monologue, he speaks.]
Thlow down there, fuckwit. Don't want to hurt yourthelf.
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He would get invested, some more, but admittedly the shouting is keeping him at bay. He remains fairly silent, unsure of how to handle the volume and anger.]
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What are we doing?
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What are these words you're saying, she doesn't understand like half of the curse words and insults and threats you're even saying. ]