holyrelic | Ϟ first dose of bullshit.

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Ϟ first dose of bullshit.

[ So a quarter is stuck into the slot and the game is reset. That much is a given. But the game itself..

.. well, it took a turn for the strange. For one, it wasn't just him roaming through the lands filled with monsters. It's bustling with people; NPCs, Dave imagines. He'd walk around aimlessly for a good hour to catch his bearings, completely oblivious to the weird looks he gets along the way. It takes a while, but he finally realizes his clothes are.. different. Fuck the pajamas, the Game Masters said. You're going to wear something straight out of Sailor fucking Moon.

After a few good minutes of losing his shit with everyone bearing witness, he realizes that he can pull this off with the finesse only befitting of a Strider. ]

Now if only I figure out how to exchange this oversized wand.

[ This is when someone other than a NPC should look at him weird and decide to tell him he's stuck with the stave. ]

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[

Anyway, obliges.]

I'm pretty sure you're stuck with it, bro. [He looks familiar, but probably in the generic Hollywood fanboy of his superstar brother sort of way.

...

Yeah, gonna go with that for now.]

I don't think you can get a refund on it. Kind of missing my old 2xpistolkind, but I can stick with the steampunk themed bayonet. I take it you just arrived?

[Oh. This guy looks like a certain Hollywood star. Well, he was right with Rose, so...maybe he's right that this is Dirk's brother?

Although, if it's true, Jake might embarrass himself with a mini fan freak out.]

Okay, whatever. Already gotta deal with the duds, so I might as well go all the way.

[ Someone out there hates hi-- holy fuck why is this dude wearing Bro's shades. ]

That's not shitty MMO regulated sunglasses, is it? Sure as hell doesn't look like it. Why would you get my Bro's shades and I get this?

[ Lookalikes need to stop not-photo bombing Dave's moments. He's confused as to why John suddenly picked up a British accent and learned how to use guns, but decides that if he has to crossdress, then anything is possible. ]

Dude, don't pretend like you don't know it's me. Get the butter out of your mouth and start telling me what the hell happened to Sburb this time.

What the hell are you talking about? They're my shades. And the only bro I have wears glasses from Ben Stiller, if you can believe that. Hell, if you know who he is. [Considering the people he's met so far.]

[Oh, yay, he gets to go through round 2 of British Me.]

I'm afraid that I actually don't know who you are, other than that you look like the Hollywood producer of the Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff movies.

[Wait.]

You play Sburb?

[ What.

It was beginning to come clear to him now that he isn't thinking about his clothes and more about where he was before. They were on their way to the newly-made universe, where his brother was supposedly at. Did that mean.. ]

I may be a little off-base with this. Like fucking space shuttle Challenger off-base here. But I think I was supposed to hop universes to come chill with my younger yet still older Bro. You know, until I got put here. Unless this is the Alpha-verse, which means you guys did a bang-up job renovating Earth. Seriously.

'Sup, Bro.

[ Well he's going through round 1 of fuck you Dave doesn't give a shit because he's a magical girl. ]

Stop fucking around, Egbert. You even brought up my pride and joy like it's not me you're talking to. Do I look like I'm in the mood to deal with your prankster shenanigans?

[ He's seriously about to get some bread and make a PB&J with all that butter in his mouth. ]

Hey.

[Dirk's unsure. This guy looks like how his Bro might've when he was his age (sort of, he guessed), and he knew that they were far from the product of any natural reproduction. Furthermore, he and Rox were playing the game because of the possibility of bringing them back to life, an action which would naturally culminate in an awkward conversation like this one.

Still, it's hard to quite believe it when someone casually said, "Hey, sup, I'm your brother, someone made out of pure awesome and one of the most heroic figures in the history of humanity." Especially when this Dave was younger.

He's just going to roll with it for now.]

Nah, our Earth's more of a nightmare. Crockercorp eventually made their move, an action with culminated with clown juggalos and the Condesce taking everything over.

[Dave you are the male version of Homura Akemi. Deal with it.]

I'm not "Egbert." My name is Jake English, thank you very much.

[Jake tilts his head.]

Then...you really are Dave Strider? Dirk's brother?

[ It wasn't like Dave was 100% of his retarded accusation, either. He wasn't even 80%. But it just seemed right. The similar 'do, the shades, the badass emanating from his voice.

Yeah, if that wasn't Bro, then he deserved to wear this shit as atonement for ever thinking as such. ]

The fuck? That doesn't sound right. You guys were supposed to be setup better so we could whoop the game's ass when we got there. Or something. I got lost in the theatrics.

[ Aka suplexing leader trolls. ]

Guess that doesn't matter too much right now. As much as I want a heartfelt bromance-filled brofist slam with my Bro, I kind of need to figure out why I'm here and in some ghetto skirt looking thing.

Unless you have an answer for that.

[ Bro always had an answer for everything. ]

[ He'd be rolling if he could see that gif. If only. ]

Ugh, what. You're really not John? This is stupid.

[ A soft 'tch' spits out of his lips as he tries to not seem too displeased upon this revelation. He kind of missed that windy idiot now that he is in another place completely foreign to him. ]

Yeah, the one and only. I'd ask how you knew my name but it flowed so eloquently off your tongue that it must be because you've heard it around. If it's gotten so far as to have gotten here, then damn, I'm going places.

-- Uh, Dirk? I'm Bro's bro. Don't know about a Dirk.

Yes, really, but he's here. You'd be the second person mistaking me for the poor boy.

[But that's a tale for another time.]

Well, nobody in The World, the collective name of this game we got thrown into, knows you, unfortunately. You and Rose Lalonde are famous where Dirk and I come from. [Well, now's a good a time as any to ask....] Do you know a Jade in your group?

Yes, Dirk Strider. He kinda looks like you, but spikier hair and with pointed anime shades? Maybe it's too much to hope for that you know him, considering he's, ah, further along than most of us time-wise. He's somewhere in the year 2400 with Roxy Lalonde.

[Trying not to fanboy 'cause this guy's a kid. Shit, and he doesn't have anything for Dave to sign!]

[Can she tell Dave and Dirk apart? Probably.]

[Is she still going to tease the guy? Yes.]

I didn't think you swung that way, lad.

I was kinda wondering that myself. I wasn't going to pass judgment, I just didn't know if that was your thing. [His answer would involve crossdressing.]

[ hello, fellow harvest cleric!! ada is going to happily smile at you!! ]

Ah, do you need help?

[ YOU MEAN YOU DON'T LIKE DEM TIGHTS?? ]

Um... believe me, I've tried.

[ Yes. It takes another male HC to understand such pain. ]

[ What kind of goddamned lame ass answer was that? It doesn't even answer anything he had to ask. It just involves said crossdressing.

Dammit, Bro. ]

Pass judgment all you want. I just want to know why the fuck someone decided to doll me up. I know I'm sexy, but damn.

First person most likely being Egbert because you look exactly like him but with butter in your mouth, right?

[ Holy shit, this guy is namedropping about everyone he knows and it's starting to unsettle him. Just a little, though, as his face looks calm as all hell. ]

Timeline shenanigans and people who share my and my sister's last name. I think I'm starting to get a hang of this. Still doesn't explain why I'm here and in a skirt looking pretty, but ok.

Yeah, I know a Jade.

Assuming I know who the hell you are, yeah, I swing more than a seesaw. Took you until the flamboyant clothes riding up my ass to learn that much?

Damn, I thought we were friends.

Nah, I'm actually here to be the living example of why you don't sign up for joining random ass games that put you in ridiculous situations like this.

[ Dave studies the girl and realizes he has a similar get-up on. Oh god, that makes everything so much worse. ]

I'd ask if you want to trade outfits but I don't think that'd do much for either of us.

[ Fuck, this was a dude? Dave was almost tempted to check out his ass. ]

Oh. So if I tried to take these off and go streaking through the city, it'd come back on?

[ 'Cause going from crossdressing to naked to crossdressing sounds like the best idea. ]

[ Try to act suspicious and you might get a shiny knife lodged in your back -- except all he's got is this lame staff, so that's obviously never happening. ]

Actually... no, I wouldn't be surprised if it did. [ snort. ] Even if they go ahead and arrest you, it's back to square one.

So, until somebody figures out a way out, we're pretty much stuck.

[Well, crossdressing and fetishes.]

I guess whoever was in charge of this place had needs, and it looks like you're the lucky guy who gets to fill them.

[You know, like that.]

Ah, simmer down, will ya? I dunno who you are but ya look just like Dirk.

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Ϟ first dose of bullshit.

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Okay, fine.

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i knew you'd do it i knew it

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Go to bed already.

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4 days late what up

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Hey Slowbro, glad you could make it to the party.

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